Searching inside out

This is the most recent picture I snapped in maybe for the past few months?

I've been reading quite a lot in the past few months and that's probably one of the main reasons that I didn't update my blog for quite a long time.

I don't know why but the levels of oxytocin in me is high as for today. Guys do experience mood swings too? No idea. As from what I said in the last post, due to the fear of uncertainties, I stopped being......ME.

I reviewed some of my previous blog posts and I found out that my grammar and vocabulary during that time was kinda shitty. However, that's not the main point. The main issue I'd like to highlight here is that I'm that type of person who'd be the one making friends instead of waiting for them to come to me.

I had this lost feeling once and that happened when I was looking for the subject that I'd study for. I've thought about being a lawyer, a pilot, I don't know. Quite a lot of occupations I guess. But after having a conversation with my parents, they reminded me about my job, my passion, my core thinking and so on.

I'd like to be rich, everyone has the chance of being rich. So, I stopped saying I WOULD, instead, I started saying I MUST since the day I discovered I've got nothing else to lose. To be frank, I'm from a low-to-middle income family, my parents worked really hard for themselves and us. Before signing up for college, my parents always emphasize to me to focus on my studies. After graduation, they'd give me the freedom to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to be an entrepreneur, I wanted to be like Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates. Dropping college and stuffs.

But soon I realized that I'm living in Malaysia, an Asian country, which means my situation might not be the same as the 3 people aforementioned. Getting a college degree or maybe a PhD is a MUST in Malaysia in order for me to march forward. Asia is not the land of fantasy or whatsoever. It's harsh and yet I can still see Americans complaining a lot. Maybe because of the media's hard work and exacerbated of the booming era of information technology.

Just a few weeks ago, I watched Kung Fu Panda 3. Funny but meaningful. WHO AM I? It's quite a simple question but when it comes to us, it's complicated. I'm a student? A kid? A sucker? A winner? A loser? An employee? What do I really want? The question is like a hydrogen bomb. A single action which triggers the chain reaction that causes more and more questions to arise.

So, what do I really want, as for now?
I've actually ordered what I wanted years ago but my parents wouldn't let me do it before I graduated from high school, a DSLR for filming and making videos. I just love recording videos, sharing what the world looks like from my perspective. Dull? Interesting? Both? I've bought many things in my life hesitantly? And I end up regretting for every moment of my life. Except for one particular subject. A camera. I don't spend much but when it really comes to what I love, I would get them for whatever reasons. As the song lyrics go:

You're only young once, my love, one, this is your chance
Take risks, cause life moves so fast
You're only young once, my love, one, this is your chance

This is all for today. Thank you for your time reading this article, if you were. Thank you. :D