Growth - Part Two

Dayum, I never wanted to post this picture because of my hair. Seeking for a new hairstyle... And yes, Jonathan Lee, the man I've been talking about since Part 1.
Photo's taken by Beverly, a member of the Press Team.

I'm actually having my finals when this blog post is being published and I didn't want to postpone it for so long because things would get obsolete. Therefore, Part 2 would also be the things that I've learnt during the FairMUN event in which I've participated a week ago.

Remember the sheep analogy I mentioned in the Growth - Part One blog post? Part 2 will be related to it but the learnt lessons are from the new people who came into my life while I was at Fairview International School participating the aforementioned event.

It was the second day of the event and before the day started, I actually had some plans in mind in which I've stated in Dear Diary. It's quite a fun thing to do because you're actually making goals for that particular day and without doubts on my ability, I accomplished all the goals I've set on that particular day. They were:

1. Make friends with Keith and the press team. (Asking them about things in KL, maybe Ampang)
2. Joke around with other people. (Other delegates/admins)
3. Starting from tomorrow, do not show anyone your frown-y face. No one deserves it.

And yes, this is Keith. 15-year-old boy who sounded way mature than his actual age.

Because of this, I've actually made quite a number of friends and they never cease to amaze me with their unique perspective towards the society, the world and so on. They're young, they're smart and they're the wisest group of people I've ever met so far. That's why I'm looking forward to the TayMUN event. I think I've finally found the people whom I'm really comfortable being with.

Of all the lessons I've learnt, here's the summary:

Lesson #1: Taking control of your life.

He looked like a guy I used to know when I was in ma' primary school. All Asian's looked the same I guess, except for me, ugly face still looking for a nice girlfriend. ;)

Well, this lesson was both taught by Jonathan and another young, wise man, Ryan Ten. It was a Saturday morning where all the delegates and the admin staff were arriving at Fairview to get the MUN event going. I thought I was very early that day as the schedule stated that the delegates' arrival would be from 8:30am to 9:00am. I was so shocked when I saw people like Keith, a curly-hair-boy (forgotten his name), some adorable girls and some other familiar faces were already there, earlier than I was. I arrived at 8:25am that day and it seemed like they're not really into the Malaysia culture, or were they? I went straight up to the fifth floor after chit-chatting with some people at the lobby to prepare of what I would quote "A very long day." I saw this girl whom I met during the first day, Mei Fong and we started talking about stuffs and blah blah blah. Ryan was there already during the time we (Mei Fong and I) were chatting. After she left the room, I approached Ryan, of course to make friends/acquaintance so that the both of us would feel less awkward of another's presence.

To describe Ryan, he's (very) introverted, wise, confident, well-mannered, good taste...
We were talking very awkwardly at first and it became better and more comfortable eventually. So, what did this 16-year-old boy teach me in a 15-minute conversation? He taught me to focus on what's important to me, myself and also there's no need to overthink or being too worried about the future. It will turn out the way it would be as of the choices you picked NOW. I love this quote which says:

"Yesterday is HISTORY, tomorrow is a MYSTERY, but today is a GIFT. That is why it is called PRESENT.”

I could relate Ryan's experience and words with the quote mentioned above. And thanks to him (and Jonathan), I'm beginning to steer my life my own way.

Lesson #2: Positivity
I would like to introduce the people who taught me the value of positivity. The first one, undoubtedly, Jonathan. The other 2 people would be Jin and Adam.

Left: Jin and Right: Adam

Jin, a sensitive, intelligent, positive, good looking girl with nerdy glasses. I was feeling kinda bored taking pictures for the event and I even asked if I could sway away for a little while till Socials. I never regret for not leaving. I met Jin first before Adam came up exhausted to the fifth floor. I got to meet Jin thanks to Mei Fong and thanks to Jin, I got to know Adam. I was actually talking to Jin about my upcoming plans in which I did not feel/think that I've got the ability to turn them into realities. I told her that I wouldn't spend another year in TARUC but in the meantime, I was afraid that I'm unable to enroll myself into a better university such as Taylor University or Monash or Sunway under a scholarship provided the diploma certificate from TARUC. Jin was there, telling me that I'll be able to enter any university I want, all I need is to have hope and the enthusiasm that would drive me to achieve my dreams. There are a lot of opportunities out there and what I'll need to do is MAN-UP (at least that's what I interpreted from her messages), pick up the phone and start dialing... She's that kind of girl you'd really love to talk to when you're feeling down/ being emo. She brings positivity to your life and sure as hell would change how you view the world.

Adam, an agnostic Indian guy, fluffy, humorous, smart, open-minded, friendly... He's that kind of boy who's always full of enthusiasm towards life. He's like the Indian version of Huan Lin (a friend of mine I've know from PLKN)/Gabriel Iglesias or the male version of Yaarsh, always cracking jokes others would laugh to their death. He taught me well, basically the same things Jin taught me, except for the coitus part, HAHA (I'm sorry Adam). He also taught me about caring and loving others, which I think his point could be established. The concept of objectivity in which all accounting students might be familiar with, was taught by Adam to me. It's crucial to not get something into your head too quickly and it's even better to be in the third person point of view on every occasion (Jin was there too). I'm very lucky to meet the both of them.

Lesson #3: Friends
As I said in Part 1 that I felt very uncomfortable being with the people in Fairview on the first day because I was being over self-conscious. I thought about how others would think of me before approaching them myself. I was such a dick and I would really like to apologize to those who've suffered from my 'frowny/intimidating' face on the first day of the event. I met

Woman in purple, she's Trish.

1. Thrish (A Malay girl who's really nice, sweet, clever. It's not that ordinary Malays you'd see. Most importantly, she's my BLOG PAL ).

2. Mei Fong, (Chinese-educated girl with a cute voice, an introverted extrovert, young, a little childish?).

3. Ee Ming (Dayuuum, Jonathan's girlfriend and guess what? She's so nice and beautiful and outgoing and clever and smart and funny ugh... I don't know what to say. Even my only sister said she's beautiful AF) Good for you Jonathan, Dan Way's theory's applied. (Didn't have a picture of her, sorry guys. :P)

4. Laurence, a guy I think he looked like Zhin Ming at first glance, a secondary school acquaintance of mine.

5. Kim Tae Hyun, nice Korean guy. South Korean.

6. Xi Wen. Couldn't imagine that he's 17. He speaks like he's 71. Wise man. There are still a lot of things for me to catch up with after speaking Xi Wen. It's nice to befriend him. ;)

7. This is Neshii, she's always there to ask if I'm okay and I feel comfortable talking to her. Thanks Neshii. :D

It's important to surround yourself with the people who'd eventually create your own unique personality. A lot of people asked me if I do have friends? The honest answer would be NO. I would rather classify them as acquaintances. However, after this event, I think I'm able to re-write my friend-list. Thank you people. All of you are great friends/acquaintances and leaders.

That's all for FairMUN. Thank you for spending your time reading. :)

And one more thing, the favourite photo of mine during the event would be this:

One.
Aperture: f/2.8
Shutter Speed: 1/30 seconds

Skinny Love by Birdy

Read More

Growth - Part One

I've always loved the city life. It makes me wonder how humanity has come this far and I shouldn't stop to be part of the cog of development in the nation's system.

During the typing of this blog post, I'm at Suria KLCC's Starbucks, to pass time. (The blog post would be long and I really do hope that you could learn from my experience.)

I participated in the FairMUN, an abbreviation for Fairview Model United Nation. It was quite an experience and I would encourage those who'd really like to meet new friends of different backgrounds, participating in the Model United Nation would be a very very good choice.

The moment I stepped into Fairview and began meeting people, I felt so left-out because:

Firstly, I'm the only Penangite there,
Second, I just realized how arrogant I was back in TARUC,
Thirdly, Social Status (international school students, how poor can they be?),
Fourth, Age (most of them were just around 14-16 years old and they sounded so mature),
Fifth, Language (Their accents, tone, pitch, content, all are very mesmerizing)
Sixth, Culture
Seventh, Education System

I felt left-out and awkward at the same time and didn't really make any impressions on the first day. What's best for the day and for my life so far was that we (Jonathan Lee and I) went out for dinner at a mamak about 500 meters from Fairview's entrance. Before that, because I felt so awkward and uncomfortable with the kids around there and I wanted to leave as early as possible, back to my hotel, watch TV, hot drink and so on. I booked a taxi (Grabcar) and the taxi driver had me waited for about 20 minutes before I cancelled the booking. I believe that some things are just meant to be.

So, after that, Jonathan invited me for dinner and we started talking about out pasts and I couldn't stop complimenting him for his change. He looked stupid and short in high school (I'm sorry, Jonathan) and now although still short, he isn't that fluffy anymore. We were there for like an hour. Of course, I'm a fan of learning and I couldn't resist the temptation of mine to learn from him. I asked him a few questions and he answered all of them calmly. I was finally being able to feel less awkward after the conversation with Jonathan. I love the sheep's metaphor he used and I think he's way more mature than me from what he said.

He said,

If I were in your situation, you knew that people from your school were sheep. They would only follow instructions which were given to them. However, if you were to be the shepherd to guide the sheep, it will do no harm to you nor the sheep. They need a leader and this is the time you'll need to rise.

I added the last sentence myself.

And I kinda like 'woke up' from my fantasy of realising how successful I'm gonna be with or without my friends' support and encouragement. I got the wrong idea since the day I knew about stuffs. I was arrogant and ignorant. However, I was fortunate enough to participate in FairMUN. It changed me, from a horrible, ignorant homosapien to a more mature, understanding, considerate human.

What I learnt from Jonathan:
Mindset is very important and the cultural environment of an institution as well. Education is the same throughout the world. You wouldn't say that a toe is a toe in the UK and when it comes to Malaysia, a toe is suddenly a mouth. It's the environment which creates people with different personalities. It's the culture of an education institution that makes its students worth more than just a piece of paper. People would say TARUC's graduates are good and would be very employable, but is that true?

Let me get the facts straight here. I don't know whether people notice about this or not, but I've been living in agony and my mental growth has stopped since the day I got enrolled. Well, in the mean time, I'm still satisfied with my academic result, but I'm not pursuing what I really want. And that makes me very empty inside. Students in TARUC (as of what I could say, aren't really being serious about learning.) Some of my tutors and lecturers said that the aforementioned situation is also very common in other universities. It might be. But the level of being not-so-serious about mental growth is much lower than it is in TARUC. I've seen many students cheat and the invigilators would just turn a blind eye towards the issue because that's none of their business. Students cheat, graduate and ta-da, they know nothing.

I've met people who'd say they've a lot of friends and so on, but I never heard any of them saying "He's better than me and one day I'm gonna surpass him", NO ONE EVER SAID THAT. They tend to stick with the people who'd make them comfortable and instead of growing (mentally), they just stopped growing. I participated in FairMUN because:

1. I wanted to leave Penang alone and see how independent I could be.
2. I wanted to make more friends and HELL YEAH, I made some.
3. I wanted to gain more exposure.
4. I wanted to improve my English-speaking skills.
5. I wanted to leave my comfort zone.

The first time to take the LRT alone and no one's there to help me. I know that I gotta be strong and tough and independent in order to overcome all the obstacles I will be facing. It was a hell of an adventure. And I think I should stop blaming others and myself.

Besides learning from Jonathan that having a right mindset is important, he also taught me that planning what you want is as important as sleep. He started planning for the path he desired when he was 16 and I didn't really take any actions since the day I graduated from Chung Ling High School. He searched for scholarships, he worked very hard on his studies, he participated in many events which led him to this day, as the Secretary General of FairMUN. He went to the US for six months last year under a scholarship and enrolled into Fairview, full scholar as well and since then he changed a lot (physically and mentally). I admire him not because of how he is now, but how he fought his way to the goals he desires.

He also told me that being a mentally-positive person helps him a lot to being a changed man, a better version of him. I was being too pessimistic for the past few months and I know I shouldn't be. It drained the enthusiasm out of me and since then I have done nothing productive until now.

Random picture: It has been 2 days since I've not been caffeinated. Today will be a good day and so will the rest.

I'm that typical Chinese kid who'd always follow what my parents wanted. However, after the event, I started to feel like if I couldn't get any control in my life, then I might as well be doomed. My parents are strict and they always deny the words that come out from my mouth. I guess that's how Chinese parenting works. I resent it. So, in order to keep myself from swaying away from the path I wanted, Jonathan suggested me to get a diary and write down the plans for what I want to do tomorrow. Every day until the day I see myself become a better version of the current me.

Thank you Jonathan, I really do appreciate what you've done.


Sad Song by We The Kings (feat Elena Coats)

Read More

Inspiration

"Where people see romance, I see inspiration." 

- Dan Way.


Not Today by Imagine Dragons

The best part of having an annoying yet geeky older brother is that he'll always recommend things which are initially not of my interest and then suddenly I'm an expert and the spokesman of that particular 'thing'. Few weeks ago, he started to talk about the movie, 'Me Before You'. To be frank, I'm not a really big fan of movies in the romance genre. It's kinda fake though. I didn't plan to watch it at first because I was so busy with my studies and career. Then, one day, while I was driving to college (about half an hour drive), I shuffled the songs in Apple Music and heard this song. The rhythm suits me and the song itself is associated with the element of melancholy. It has been years since I got so deep into a song.



It's nice, now and then. And a few days later, I couldn't resist myself and the persuasion from my brother, saying the movie's so dayum nice. I watched it in the middle of the night. The movie itself is very touching and it deserved the high ratings from the movie critics. Where's the inspirational part? Wait, I'll get there in a moment. Synopsis? (Spoiler ahead) The main actor who's suffering from a spinal cord injury fell in love with the main actress (both British) and although she tried many things to change the actor's mind to not commit suicide (not in a painful manner, through chemicals), she failed and the actor died anyway.

However, when the actor died, he left a letter for her. Saying that she'd need to live the life she wanted and not living in others' dogma (I loved that part). And when it comes to reality, I figured out that maybe I could be like her. All these years I've been living for others and not until today I realized the aforementioned issue. I've been a very obedient, hardworking, academically-satisfied puppet. I think I should pursue my own dreams and maybe must give it an all-out. I'm a very very lazy person but when it comes to the topics I love, oh man, you will never find me being ME.



It has been almost 5 years since Steve Jobs' death and you might be wondering why I would bring up this topic out of the blue. Well, because recently I've been reading a book regarding Apple and also, you know, HIM. I'm not a huge fan of Apple products but I am a huge fan of Steve Jobs. His spirit, passion and enthusiasm were far too enormous than the ordinary people. Most people would say that they know Steve Jobs but what they know is only his most famous quote: "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish" and didn't know the meaning behind it. I was only able to decrypt the message from the quote after reading the book, "Inside Steve's Brain" by Leander Kahney for a week. And I do hope that you have the time and the patience to read it too.

Many people would say that they know this and that and when being questioned about their sources, they would often say: Others said that or maybe I read it from... I don't remember. People don't think, they imitate and that's why Henry Ford once said: "Thinking is the most difficult part in life, that's why most people don't do it." I'm kind of a 'fact guy' which I don't really rely on other people's information not unless they're trustworthy and the information provided by them work. I love learning new stuff, but to study in order to be tested, it's not really in my favour...

Well, that's all for today I guess. Hope you're able to make it to the end. And one more thing, Happy Independence Day to all Malaysians. :)

Read More

Betterment

Currently using the college library's computer to type this passage.

I was told that I was being quite pensive for quite a while right now. Basically, yes. I am.

I've been reading a lot these days and it is very enjoyable (the reading session, alone, no disturbance...) Many thoughts have come to my mind and for me it makes me wiser. I speak less and think more. I've meeting up with a few friends yesterday, one was my primary school friend, Bridgette. We've known each other for like 10 years now (not to mention the huge gap in between). I was and am really fortunate to have a friend like Bridgette.

Yesterday we met up at Coffee Bean, E-Gate Branch and she brought me a Bible (I requested earlier, about 3 months back). I'm not really really into the religion thing, however, I'm really grateful to Bridgette for putting my request in mind. Most people would probably turn a blind eye on this kind of matter, but she didn't. The Bible, there's an ocean of information and knowledge in it. What I'm interested in is the history being told in the bible. Old Testament they say?



It has been gloomy and sometime raining in the past few days. I love rainy days the most, windy ones come next. I started re-vlogging again, of course, thanks to Bridgette once again. However, I'm changing the course of my vlogging thing. We've been talking about the same interest we have and I've found out that we actually have many interests in common. Well, except she's a woman and I'm a man. Blah blah blah...

I started reading the Bible yesterday night until 3AM and it's quite interesting. Except for the part that there are too many generations. Adam and Eve, Shem, Ham, Japeth, Noah and so on. I'm really into these things, history, they would say. Really love it.



While I was reading the Bible yesterday, I stumbled upon a Facebook post from one of my primary school friends, Jesslin Chin. She moved to Kuala Lumpur (KL) when we're in Form 2. One of her cousins died in an accident involving a crane free-falling from a construction site and hit the car she was driving, causing a fatal accident. My condolences to you and your family, Jess.


What I'm trying to imply here is that things are not going to be as what you expect. People wouldn't know what they're going to go through tomorrow. Tomorrow comes first or death? No one knows. Why do the things you dislike and waste the time you shouldn't be? Take risks, strive for what you want. Strive for what your heart wants. because someday you'll be thanking yourself for making the decision to take risks. Instead of saying "I should've done that." You should be standing confidently and make the statement of  "I'm glad that I took that step/decision."

Be strong Jess. We'll always be here. :)

And once again, Thanks Bridgette. :D

For anyone who's having a bad day.

Read More

Humane

Who am I? Who are you? Who the heck are we?
I'm writing this post in a serious tone. The post is to address the things which I deemed to say it out loud since the day SHE left.

If you'd think that this is a love story, sorry, I'm gonna disappoint you because it ain't one. I've been single ever since the day I was born. There are 2 stories here I would really like to bring up:

First and foremost,

The College Canteen
It was a Thursday evening (last week) and I was preparing for my Basic Taxation test. I've been studying with my class rep. in the college library and after that we planned to go for some snacks to fill up our empty stomach. I ordered a toast and the so called 'female boss' there took my order. She seemed to be a little upset when she was taking my order and I didn't care much. The toast was more important back then. She demanded her female Indonesian worker to make me my toast. The worker didn't hear what she said and guess what? Before that, she was upset, the next minute, she got furious. Started scolding and condemning her, the Indonesian for not being able to hear what she said because the fan was too loud. As you guys know, I do work for my father in his food court, as a cashier, a waiter and so on. (Yes, I am a multi-task-er) Do you know how hot and stuffy it is to work inside the so-called kitchen? Because the worker is unable to listen to what she said, she once again, demanded her worker to not switch on the fan ANYMORE. I was there like, WHAT THE FUCK?! It's not her fault for not being able to hear what you said to her. The environment itself was so damn noisy and you accused her for not being attentive? This is a brand new world for me.

Secondly,

Arabica Estate
It was 2 days ago after my group's seminar and I was there with my business partner, Nicholas. We went for supper as the both of us were yet to get dinner. I was sitting facing a family of 5 or 6. This family didn't catch my mind until I saw a lady, about 23-25 years old sitting at the table next to the family. It turned out that she's a maid (If I'm not mistaken). I'm tired of seeing this kind of shit because... I'll talk about that later. So, I don't know why they'd play this type of segregation thing. As for me, I think that everyone is EQUAL. I hate it when people say shit about extreme feminism, man-should-be-in-power, LGBTQ and other bullshit stuffs. I'm really grateful and do admire those who fought for equal human rights (Martin Luther King, Mandela, Abraham Lincoln, Sun Yat Sen and so on). Back to the aforementioned story, I was so furious inside because the whole FUCKING BUNCH OF FAMILY are there playing POKEMON FUCKING GO. I don't meant to insult them but they're, they're just assholes. The maid was told by the parents to finish the unfinished foods of their children while they were there catching PIKACHUS. WHAT THE HECK?! That's not a proper way the teach your kids. Sorry to tell, but you parents just failed at parenting. FUCK YOU. If you think your money is all so almighty, you deserve a place in hell.

It's time for me to get this thing off my chest. Why am I so stressed out when I encounter these kind of circumstances? It was because of HER. I felt guilty and so sorry for HER when she left. I was 11 when she left. Why am I sorry? Because I was such an asshole back then. Whenever I wanted a cup of water, I demanded her to get it for me. Although the water dispenser's just 4 meters away. She was there fetching me water and I was there watching dramas as a kid. I hated myself and how I was brought up. I was lucky enough to have an older brother who's mature enough to criticize me for my behavior. I was ASHAMED of myself and that's when I started seeking equality and respect to the elder ones who deserve it.

She, Harlika Lilik Fitriani, an Indonesian childhood tutor of mine is the best tutor I've ever had. Thank you and SORRY. D:

Read More

Youtube and Friends

Hey ladies and gentlemen, if you've been with me for the past few months, you'll be noticing that I've been idle from Youtube for quite a while right now. The main factors are probably because of my career and my studies. I wanted to apologize for not being able to deliver weekly Youtube videos for the current time period. I'm not a full-time one and promising about delivering weekly videos makes my hobby into a commitment and that isn't fun, at least for me. I've enrolled in the jumpcut academy like last night (to be frank, this morning about 3AM, before going to bed) and I felt alive again.

I've been a little moody for the past few weeks and kinda felt disgusted of myself. I like (love) social interactions but there's some time which you'd need to spend time alone, reflecting about life and so on. I talked to myself quite 'violently' I would say and that has been excruciating, I mean mentally. I've been subscribing to a lot of positive pages and at one time I saw this quote

"You'll be speaking to yourself most of the time than to other people. Treat yourself as well as you'd treat other people."

We've all been through that stage where we'll always take on the blame and forgiving others for the mistakes which incurred during your work, activities and so on. I felt regretful after the night I reflected on myself. What have I done which led me to a the path which is so painful and torturing? (mentally) And I figured out, thanks to the quote :)

I've been blaming myself all the while for not being able to be the perfect one. Earlier this year, I've been talking to one of my college seniors and a best friend of mine, Yaarshivine Jayabalan. She told me about the things she have been through and I might too. And yes, she's right. (Of course I'm not going to type out the content we've been speaking about.) And her advice? CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Ain't nobody got time to bother you. You can't be perfect. I was kinda shocked at first and found out that she's ludicrous. As time passes by, I agreed on her opinion. It's good to have a friend who wants nothing but care for you. I'll miss you Yaarsh, thank you for all the jokes (dirty ones, racist ones...). Keep in touch.

Btw, I'm looking for people who're really into making videos to come join me as a team. FB me if you're interested.

Best regards.

Read More

SHUT UP

I was on 9gag on the other day and saw a post saying that whenever this guy is having a conversation in his head (which irritates him a lot), he would start to converse with himself out loud. I'm one of those guys too. Whenever I'm having a monologue, I kinda wanna punch myself in the face. I guess intelligent people think too much and thus the main cause of depression. I'm trashed for the present moment. It's like you aren't yourself anymore and you couldn't grab hold of any of the aspects in your life.

I'm frustrated, sad, depressed, moody and so on. I don't really voice out the problems I'm facing with others because that'd just make me look like a jerk, a coward, a helpless piece of shit. I'm a guy, looked tough but am being controlled by a soft-mushy thing inside. Sentimental? Maybe it's the word I'm looking for.

I've flunked my papers because, I don't know, lack of focus? People would try to compare their marks with me and so be it. What I'm feeling right now is that the whole world of mine is going down. Why? I asked myself for a gazillion times and there are still no answers to my questions. I'm writing this post in order to get this fucked-up mood off my chest. FUCK!

I've tried a lot of things to ease my MOOD, nothing works. But one thing I managed to get is that OVERTHINKING really do hurt you, mentally. You're being tortured by your own mind. The 'fight or flight' mechanism is turned on but you can't run away from your mind. I've got no one to talk to, no trustworthy ones.

I'm gonna go by now, by go, I mean shower.
Goodbye for a while.

Read More